there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
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