Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
