weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
