i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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