there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
