In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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