Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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