WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
