Are we in a gay sports bar?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
