I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
