Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
