I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Randomize
