i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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