Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I want her autograph on my taint
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
