Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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