I'm really into asian looking animals
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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