Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
this boner is exhausting
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize