Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
