I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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