i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
