She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
