At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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