That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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