my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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