im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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