i barfeds in our rink
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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