so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
