I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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