I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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