wakey wakey hands off snakey
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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