there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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