Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
