I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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