the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
