thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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