Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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