I wish my penis had an off switch
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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