why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
you never un-have a 4some
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize