I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize