Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
