I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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