Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
cat food counts as protein by the way
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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