i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
