Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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