I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
