Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
