she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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