At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
