my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize