he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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