The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
