I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
