I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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