I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Randomize
