Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Randomize
