Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
