I am puke
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
