My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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