Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Come on in and take your pants off
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