I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
