Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
