i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
