We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
