Duck Duck Cougar?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
