I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
