True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
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