Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
