We got so high we made milksteak
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
